What happened last week...

...well I was just psyching myself up to be patient, wasn't I? In the comfort of my air-con study, legs raised, hand on very pregnant belly feeling his movements....

After writing the last blog, Hubby & I set out to Gleneagles for my weekly gynae visit. Of course, I hadn't expected anything much out of the visit. I even decided not to go Cedele for my craving but to eat simple at the Redhill Hawker. We did the CTG at labour ward, normal results. We went in to see Dr Ang. She shook her head as she measured the water level & then turned to me "Pauline, water level is too low at 2 cm. The normal should be 5 cm. You have to deliver already."

I know all the past days I had spent waiting & all prepared for The Show. But there, I wasn't prepared at all. Hubby got all excited. Dr Ang got all firm & doctor-like. I told her I didn't want to induce. She said I wouldn't need to cos I was already dilated 1.5cm. But I can't wait for the contractions. We have to speed it up, she says.

The period between seeing Dr Ang & admitting myself into the labour ward was a blur. I tried to deal with all my emotions - excitement, fear, anxiety - all rushing through my system. I could only manage a Delifrance croissant & not any fancy meal (pre-confinement) I suggested to me. Hubby was only about excitement on meeting his son that day or next day. God's good to us, he says, we didn't have to experience any traffic...we just walk over to the hospital wing, no rush.

Once on the labour ward bed, I accepted the impending & got myself mentally prepared for The Delivery. Dr Ang broke my water bag at about 5.45pm. My contractions started at 6+pm, became unbearable at 10pm+, had my epidural at 11pm, & lasted throughout till I was fully dilated at 7am+.

At 8am, Dr Ang came in & I started to push, with 2 midwives at each side pushing down my tummy, Hubby at the side supporting me.

After 2 contractions & about 10 pushes, Baby's heartbeat slowed. Dr Ang told me she'll have to use the vacuum to assist. She instructed "Pauline, the next push I want you to push the baby out, ok." I understood what she wanted. Silently under my breath, I prayed "God, You are my strength, & You will deliver my baby out".

& I pushed with all my might for my Baby's heartbeat.

& another push.

& suddenly, I sensed everyone easing. I looked at Hubby & he was grinning & beaming, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. I looked at Dr Ang & she looked satisfied. & then I heard his piercing cries. I looked down & saw this (rather big) naked baby covered in vernix caseosa, arms & legs stretched out & tensed, mouth opened wide & wailing.

At 8.13am, on the 16th of December 2009, our son, Ian Chan, was born. :)

Freedom

I shouldnt complain when I get to be the one to stay home & surf net the entire day..of course, there's the packing, the reading and all, but that's another story. Having stayed home for a week now with nothing really to do except wait for Baby, I have to conclude it's not as easy as it seems.

In between finishing season 4 of The West Wing, reading Supernatural Childbirth, & sorting out my iTunes songs, I managed to spend about 1k on online purchases. The comfort is that there were many items & they were cheaper. Yeah but still...i know it's unlike me...i guess my usual shopping used to be limited to available time & available energy but here I have abundance of both in the comfort of my study.

Nevertheless, I do not miss work very much... what's eating me is The Wait. Patience was never in my character & I am a woman of action...yet here I am, everyday feeling out for Baby's movements, every trip to the toilet hoping to see The Show. Every dull ache moment wondering if it's the beginning of the contractions.

Hubby & I bumped into acquaintances on Sunday. The father remarked with a laugh, better enjoy Baby when he's inside. Once he's out, you can't put him back in...They were trying to feed their toddler at that moment, & I can see why he said that, the toddler was running around refusing to eat.

So I'll take this chance to practise my patience & manage my excitement to meet my Guy.

Diminishing returns....

Today marks my baby reaching full term mark at 37 weeks....! I must say it's getting increasingly difficult to go out at this stage of my pregnancy. Which is ironic given that the Babycenter website advises us to go out, spend time with hubby, because I'll be super busy when baby arrives...

We tried that today, going to Raffles City for lunch & shopping before a movie & then dinner. I started feeling lethargic even on the journey to town. I was ravenous when I reached Cedele. After half a serving of pasta, I could only walk for half an hour before I had to sit. When I finally sat in the movie theatre, I told my hubby I'll take his advice from now on & hang out at the neighbourhood mall instead.

I had wanted to get brand new newborn rompers for baby, seeing that all of his newborn clothes are hand-me-downs (he should have some really nice Mommy-bought ones for himself after all). I also wanted to soak in the Christmas atmosphere in town. Neither came to me as I was too tired & trying to survive the evening....

At least the movie didnt disappoint. It was a good movie - The Informant! - by Steven Soderberg... well I hope that wont be the only Oscar-worthy movie I'll be watching... We didnt even have dinner - just bought some cds & headed straight home...

Looks like I'll be pottering around at home for awhile...

3.6kg already!

I started my weekly visits to Dr Ang today.... last week, my baby was alread 3.2kg at 35 weeks. Today, based on ultrasound scans of his head, stomach & femur, his weight is estimated at 3.6kg! A wave of despair swept over me for that 2 seconds when I was told that, because I had wanted to give birth to him before he exceeds 3.5kg...

There's still hope though, it just as estimate....&, I keep reminding myself to trust God's timing, which is always perfect. Although, all appetite for tea disappeared.... my beloved son is putting on weight really quickly!

Dr Ang sort of pre-empted me that baby would probably come before Christmas, so I can't enjoy the festivities...she has no idea that was exactly what I hope for....his EDD is supposed to be 2nd Jan.

36 weeks & waiting...

Alright, I started this blog way way late, like "only" 31 weeks after the test kit showed a positive for my pregnancy. I've had two 10-days MCs for flu & two 10-days hospital leave for low amniotic fluid levels since then, not to mention the sometimes overwhelming & sometimes underlying emotions I've had during those weeks leading up to now, yet I didn't get over the inertia to start what I've been wanting to...the blog. THE blog. THE BLOG to come to in the wee hours when everyone else is sleeping & I'm up breastfeeding. THE BLOG to update my friends on what's been happening, to share info gathered & tips learnt, to gossip.

Not going to recap systematically whatever has happened.... I'll just start here with my baby boy at 36 weeks in me coming to 37 weeks. & by the way, 2 weeks ago I've had the feeling that he's coming anytime. Some of my friends thought I'm too excited or too tired with the weight & didnt buy it. Then last week my gynae informed me he's already 3.2kg & engaged. Means I'm ready anytime he's ready. Means I am half right, the other half will depend on when he actually comes. Which by the way I feel is end of this week. Hopefully 12th December.

so in the past week, I've done my best to settle work obligations. This week is my rest & chill week. I want to enjoy doing my own stuff, hanging out alone at home, not running errands or thinking about work.

Most of all, just want to relish the joy of feeling him moving about in me, & savour the feeling of being pregnant for the FIRST time. You can only have a first pregnancy once. I want to enjoy every minute of the last few moments of anticipation - be it minutes, hours or days - before I meet him face to face. And then, probably, I'll fall in love with him over again.