We finally made the decision to go Taiwan....sans baby.
It wasn't an easy one for me to make. Mums constantly feel responsible for their children's well being in every aspect. And Ian always prefers me over everyone else (which I secretly enjoy! Haha) so I feel even more compelled to consider bringing him there. My gynae Dr Ang told me it's worth the trouble cos "you'll have lots of memories of that first trip"....
However for my husband, it was a straightforward decision. It was from one Sunday when we brought Ian to church with us and he couldnt sit still for even half a minute. And another time when we brought Ian to dinner with friends at Seafood Paradise, and he couldnt sit still for even half a minute, where Ian also sucked Glenn's iPhone and where Ian dipped his hand into the mango pudding, spilling half of it and smearing the residue on his clothes. Glenn concluded that Ian will be staying put in Singapore with his grandparents.
Actually, the most important consideration was that I know Ian will be well taken care of for that 3 days. By his doting grandparents, by my responsible helper, and most of all, by God Himself who is the One behind the scenes even when I'm around. This blessed and comprehensive support we have really freed us to go ahead.
Of course, every night we end up missing Ian, scrolling through our iPhones' photo albums and videos from 1st to last. Rarely do I look forward to heading home from a holiday. I kept imagining how Ian will react seeing me after 3 days' absence - will he squeal in delight or will he cry and chide me for leaving him behind?
That night, settling to bed back at home, I spoke into my little darling's ear "Mummy's back home, missed you so much...Muak." The following morning, he awoke to find both of us back on his left and right, snoozing away as usual. He poked at my back till I woke and upon turning around to face him, he just smiled his wide cheeky Mummy-I-love-you smile. He did the same to Glenn.
And thus we were reunited and life immediately went back to our normal and mundane, but tremendously sweet and blessed routine.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Blessed Unions
I can imagine why people are hesitant - no, more like afraid - about getting married, or even getting committed.
A married couple who have gone through so much together, and together went through the joys of parenting 2 or 3 children even, can still end up broken and wrecked at best. At worst, both parties turn against each other and become mortal enemies fighting over custody, money, property.
It is hurting to hear about it, much more experience it.
For singles coming across such examples so often, there is no reason for them to expose themselves to the same vulnerabilities, is there. Why bother if you know the chances of being hurt are high.
For every broken marriage, there is just not enough happy fulfilling ones to balance off. There is not enough perhaps because people expect happy fulfilling marriages to be perfect (which it never will be). Yet if you settle for anything less, you are resigning yourself to second best, and this will also not turn out to be happy or fulfilling.
I can see why there seems to be many more unhappy unions than happy ones. It is easier to label a marriage as failing or mediocre, than to define what is a good marriage. The definitive good marriage is an elusive idea - we do not know, and will also differ, on our definitions of a good marriage - so only a few types of unions make the cut. Whereas a bad marriage is anything that falls outside this niche.
Even the types of marriage considered as "making it" are with the benefit of hindsight, when the couple is in their silver years.
A friend of mine is going through this excruciating experience of divorcing his wife with whom he has parented 3 young children. As a guy, it is possible to bear the inconveniences and financial costs of a divorce. It is possible to move on from the hurt of falling out with someone he was once close as skin with. It is however extremely painful to know that his 3 children is hereon away from him. He cannot always be there for them in their formative years. He cannot have as much influence over them as their mother can. He stands to be cut off from them if their mother does not play fair.
As I listened to his struggles in this area, I kept thinking of any ways to help. I think only God is able.
In fact, only God is able to keep marriages from becoming mediocre, from falling apart. It is otherwise too hard.
A married couple who have gone through so much together, and together went through the joys of parenting 2 or 3 children even, can still end up broken and wrecked at best. At worst, both parties turn against each other and become mortal enemies fighting over custody, money, property.
It is hurting to hear about it, much more experience it.
For singles coming across such examples so often, there is no reason for them to expose themselves to the same vulnerabilities, is there. Why bother if you know the chances of being hurt are high.
For every broken marriage, there is just not enough happy fulfilling ones to balance off. There is not enough perhaps because people expect happy fulfilling marriages to be perfect (which it never will be). Yet if you settle for anything less, you are resigning yourself to second best, and this will also not turn out to be happy or fulfilling.
I can see why there seems to be many more unhappy unions than happy ones. It is easier to label a marriage as failing or mediocre, than to define what is a good marriage. The definitive good marriage is an elusive idea - we do not know, and will also differ, on our definitions of a good marriage - so only a few types of unions make the cut. Whereas a bad marriage is anything that falls outside this niche.
Even the types of marriage considered as "making it" are with the benefit of hindsight, when the couple is in their silver years.
A friend of mine is going through this excruciating experience of divorcing his wife with whom he has parented 3 young children. As a guy, it is possible to bear the inconveniences and financial costs of a divorce. It is possible to move on from the hurt of falling out with someone he was once close as skin with. It is however extremely painful to know that his 3 children is hereon away from him. He cannot always be there for them in their formative years. He cannot have as much influence over them as their mother can. He stands to be cut off from them if their mother does not play fair.
As I listened to his struggles in this area, I kept thinking of any ways to help. I think only God is able.
In fact, only God is able to keep marriages from becoming mediocre, from falling apart. It is otherwise too hard.
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