Freedom II

As part of the experiment part 2, my parents brought Ian with them to their church this morning. Hubby & I got to sleep in, take our time to wash up, and if not for time, would have caught our regular breakfast at a coffeeshop.

The entire morning I reminisced about our pre-Ian era where we had the freedom to have nothing to do and to drive around looking at houses and the luxury of eating wherever we felt like it.

For the day, I even didn't miss Ian. I felt slightly guilty that despite all the feelings of attachment & joy with him, my old selfishness would prevail....I pushed those thoughts back.

We deliberately ate at a hawker centre. I was even moderately excited.

Then responsibility set in & I just wanted to head home soonest to spend precious weekend time with my beloved son.

I think I might be going into the next phase of mummyhood - after being so closely attached to the point of wanting to be with Ian all the time - I now appreciate more whatever personal or couple time I have and do not mind as much those moments away from Ian.

Perhaps he is becoming more of a handful so it truly becomes tiring. Or perhaps it's just part of the seperation anxiety phase - only the mummy is coming out of it before the sonny. Or, perhaps (most likely rather), God has just been ministering & speaking through to me that it's really alright, Ian will be well taken care of by Abba Himself.

Just as well, because this boy I love so much will come into his own one day. & us, we are just stewards playing a fine balance between our overwhelming love for him & not allowing this love to become over possession.